Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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