Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
