it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
