i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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