Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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