Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
