threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
