considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
