I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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