So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
