I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You need a sexual gate keeper
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
