my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
