He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize