I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
