Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
