I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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