You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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