You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
