if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
