I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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