i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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