we have officially lost it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
