k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
