i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
