i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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