just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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