I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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