I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
