yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
