dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
