Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
