Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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