Duck Duck Cougar?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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