just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
this will be a night to untag.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
