that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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