Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
