sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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