the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
