It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
