I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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