Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
