There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
