Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
