he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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