apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
