Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
