I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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