Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize