WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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