Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
