True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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