Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize