I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
