My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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