Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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