I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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