nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
