And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
