do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
