Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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