i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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