So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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