make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
