Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
