At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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