dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
