I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
