I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
