3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
