I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
