think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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