this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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