Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
