I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
