I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize