im drinking this country out of the recession.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
