i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
