my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
