I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
