I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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