she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
