Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
