That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
