i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
