apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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