The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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