Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
