if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
