Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
