Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize