I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
