So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
