Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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