I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
