This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize