It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He passed out mid-signature
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just pee around me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
