i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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