Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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