piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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